


there are no words for this

by SoloChaos



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Babies, Birth, Established Relationship, Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-24
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-01-20 16:53:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1518062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoloChaos/pseuds/SoloChaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Family- a group of parents and children living together in a household. See also <i>kin.<i></i></i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic takes place in the future, beginning sometime around 2018.

"There," Josh says dramatically as he flings open the door to their new bedroom.

"The most important room in the house," Tyler says dryly.

"That and the kitchen," Josh says, completely missing Tyler's sarcasm.

Tyler rolls his eyes as he pulls his shirt off. "You're such a guy."

"You're not exactly a lady," Josh says, words lacking heat as he traces Tyler's body with his eyes.

"C'mon, shirt off," Tyler says, stepping closer. Josh grins at him as he yanks his shirt off over his head. He then sidles up to Tyler, pressing their hips together.

"Hey," Josh says, pressing a quick kiss to Tyler's lips.

"Hey," Tyler agrees, returning it.

Their quick kiss turns into something not so quick, and suddenly their hips are thrusting against each other. Tyler drags Josh to their new bed, pushing him down and climbing on top of him.

"Hey," Josh says again, much more breathlessly this time. His head is thrown back against a pillow, mocha eyes looking pleased as Tyler straddles his hips.

Tyler kisses him again.

They work their jeans off each other, fingers nimble from practice. Tyler can feel Josh getting harder by the second, and he thrusts down a little, his ass giving Josh friction. Josh whines, hips jerking up.

"Lube?" Josh asks, panting a little. Tyler nods, pulling a packet from his discarded jeans. He hands it to Josh, who rips it open and squeezes the lube onto his palm, warming it up with his fingers.

Tyler lies down on Josh's chest, and they kiss again as Josh brings his hands around. He cups Tyler's ass, pulling him closer before gently pressing a lube-slick finger into Tyler. Tyler groans a little into Josh's mouth as he's slowly opened up.

Josh presses butterfly-light kisses to Tyler's jaw as his fingers gently work Tyler open. They get up to only two fingers before Tyler gets too impatient.

"I'm good, I'm good," Tyler says when Josh opens his mouth to protest. Josh sighs as Tyler repositions himself, and then moans as Tyler guides himself onto Josh.

"Fuck," Josh says, looking almost startled. Tyler smirks down at him a little. He's cut off when Josh thrusts up, a moan startled out of him.

"Oh," Tyler murmurs. He bends down to kiss Josh again, and their teeth nip and clack together as their thrusts grow more and more frantic. Tyler's moving down as Josh's hips jerk up, and they're meeting every time.

Tyler's starting to shake above Josh, and quickly, hardly breaking their rhythm, Josh rolls them over. He presses them both to the bed, hand between them leisurely jerking Tyler off.

"Shoot, shit," Tyler mutters, hands going up to Josh's hair, pulling him down for a kiss. They exchange a few kisses, each becoming more and more frantic before Josh groans into Tyler's mouth, a certain tell that he's close.

Tyler pulls back a little and watches happily as Josh comes. Josh's eyes flutter shut and his mouth drops open with a groan of pleasure. His fists clench, and he grits his teeth and grunts through the aftershocks. Just the sight has Tyler coming as well. He manages to keep his eyes open, something he taught himself after realizing how much he likes watching his boyfriend come.

They lie there for a moment, panting as they enjoy a peacefulness that follows an orgasm.

"Hey," Tyler says softly, pressing a kiss to the top of Josh's head. Josh looks up, eyes looking orgasm-stupid and pleased.

"Hey," he says, giving Tyler a gentle kiss. Josh shifts, and Tyler can feel Josh's come leak out from his ass a little and drip down, which is something that will never stop being weird. It's okay though, especially considering how much Josh loves not using a condom.

Tyler looks up to see Josh watching him carefully as he starts to pull out. "It doesn't hurt, J," he says. Honestly, it doesn't. Tyler's bottomed enough that he doesn't really need to be stretched anymore.

Once Josh pulls out, he settles down next to Tyler, bodies facing each other. He wraps his arms around Tyler's shoulders, intertwining their legs.

"I've been thinking," Josh begins.

"Imagine that," Tyler can't help but interject.

Josh mock-glares at him. "I've been thinking," he says again, looking nervous, "about having a kid."

Tyler blinks. "You don't have to decide right now," Josh rushes to say. "When you're ready."

"...okay," Tyler says, feeling a little thrown-off.

"Okay?" Josh asks.

"Okay," Tyler agrees.

They press their foreheads together and fall asleep.

 

 

"All right," Tyler says to Josh a few days later. It's apropos of nothing, but Josh breaks out into a grin, knowing exactly what he's talking about.

"Really?" he asks, practically laughing with joy.

"Yeah, really," Tyler tells him. Josh leans in, and they share a long, warm kiss. 

"I love you," Josh tells him. 

"I love you too," Tyler replies softly. 

Josh's eyes suddenly darken mischievously. "C'mon," he says, tugging Tyler in the direction of their bedroom. "Let's get started right now." 

"I don't have a uterus, Josh," Tyler tries to explain, but loses track of his thoughts pretty quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter is smut. That probably bodes for something, doesn't it?
> 
> This fic's gonna be loooooooooong. It's going to be mainly a series of drabbles in chronological order. I don't know how often I'll update this, but hopefully regularly, which is the plan.


	2. Birth

May 12th, 2019

 

"Any day now," Tyler says as Josh stumbles into the kitchen one morning.

"How could I forget?" Josh asks as he pulls out a jug of milk from the refrigerator.

Tyler makes an indistinct noise, and Josh turns to see his boyfriend shifting from foot to foot nervously. "Did you eat breakfast?" he asks.

Tyler shakes his head. "I can't."

"For all we know, she'll be born a week after her due date," Josh says. "You'd kill me if you were in a malnutrition-induced coma then."

Tyler grumbles as he watches Josh takes a drink from the jug. "That's gross, dude," he says disapprovingly. "You're going to teach our daughter bad manners." He stops, blinking. "Our _daughter,_ Josh, oh my goodness."

"That hasn't sunk in yet?" Josh asks, feeling excited little butterflies in his stomach despite the sarcasm his words.

"We're going to have a daughter in three days-"

"Approximately three days."

"-and I'm gonna be a dad, oh my gosh, J," Tyler says, looking at Josh with wide eyes. He's shaking a little, and Josh would be concerned if Tyler didn't have this revelation every day.

"I know, Ty," Josh says. "I'm going to be a dad too."

Tyler looks up at him sharply before throwing his arms around his boyfriend. "I'm so glad we're doing this," he murmurs.

Josh kisses him.

 

 

May 16, 2019

 

Their birth mother goes into labor on May 16, 2019. There's a whole lot of running around, and calling relatives, and freaking out.

The baby wants to go feet first, and the doctors have to preform a cesarean section. The mother doesn't look too pleased. Josh supposes he wouldn't be either, if some doctors wanted to cut open his stomach.

He makes a mental note to buy her a fruit basket. Maybe two.

Josh isn't sure how much time passes, but he suddenly sees a baby, a little baby covered in blood and gunk and who knows what else, and he sort of just... sits down.

He's vaguely aware of Tyler freaking out above him. The only person who doesn't seem to be freaking out at all is the baby. She looks a little... pissed off actually, kind of all _what the hell is this?_

Josh doesn't blame her.

Tyler's suddenly pulling Josh to his feet, and there's suddenly a baby in Tyler's arms. Holy shit. Holy shit, that is a baby.

"Congratulations," Josh hears someone say. He's too transfixed on the little pink thing that's his baby. "It's 9:37 PM, May 16th, and you have a healthy baby girl."

 

May 16, 2019

 

Josh's thought pattern for the next few hours consists of _baby baby i have a baby tyler tyler tyler we have a baby oh my gosh._

 

 

May 19, 2019

 

They take Abigail Jane Joseph-Dun home on May 19th, 2019.

All Josh can think is _holy crap, I have a baby. I don't know what to do._

Josh's mom is bustling around, getting a bottle ready. Tyler's mom is showing Tyler different ways to hold her. Josh is sort of just standing there.

Tyler's holding AJ on his lap, beaming at her, and Josh just melts.

"How do you feel?" Josh's mom asks, coming up to stand next to Josh.

"I think I'm going to float away," Josh tells her with complete honesty. She smiles at him, handing him the bottle.

"Go feed your daughter, Josh."

Tyler gives AJ's forehead a kiss before handing her to Josh.

"She's beautiful," Josh murmurs, staring at his daughter with wide eyes as he begins to nurse her.

Tyler presses a kiss to Josh's forehead this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was pretty lame and stupidly fluffy it'll get more interesting promise. 
> 
> Also I'm pretty sure babies aren't fed that quickly after they're born oh well this is fan _fiction_ amiright okay bye.


	3. Breathing

May 28th, 2019

 

 

"Tyler, do you think we should-"

Josh cuts himself off when he sees his boyfriend fast asleep on the sofa with their daughter in his arms. AJ's curled up on Tyler's chest, her head underneath his chin. Tyler's hands are folded over her back gently, protectively, like she's the most fragile and the most precious thing in the world.

Which she is.

Josh leans back against the wall, smiling at the two of them. It kind of makes him feel incredibly old, feeling so contented by the sight of his family. But that's okay.

AJ shifts a little, and Josh is right beside her before he can think about it, hands out to catch her. But she only burrows her head further into Tyler's neck, making a little cooing sound.

Josh doesn't know how long he sits there, watching the two people he loves the most just breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking fluff.


	4. Mammary Glands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF

June 17th, 2019

 

 

AJ keeps on trying to get Tyler to breastfeed her.

It's sort of hilarious.

"Your daughter is very insistent," Tyler says sulkily as he passes AJ to Josh. "Tell her that I have no mammary glands." There's baby saliva all over Tyler's shirt, and Josh presses his mouth into AJ's short, dark hair to keep from laughing.

"Hold your horses, your daddy's going to make you a bottle right now," Josh tells her.

Tyler glares at him. "Fu- fudge you, I just sat down."

"And I'm holding a baby," Josh says pointedly.

Tyler sighs, standing up. "I'm changing my shirt, first."

"Did you hear that, AJ?" Josh says to his daughter. "Daddy's putting his appearance before your general well-being."

Tyler snorts, but dutifully heads in the direction of the kitchen.

"We've trained him well, haven't we?" Josh says, just loud enough for Tyler to hear. 

"I heard that, Dun!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's gonna have longer chapters in the future promise.


	5. Late Night

July 28th, 2019

 

 

"I can stay up with her," Josh says for the umpteenth time.

"Josh, it's _fine,"_ Tyler says again. He grins slightly. "Come on, dude. If she spends any more time with you her first word is going to be 'Papa' instead of 'Daddy.'"

Josh laughs a little. "Tyler, you need _sleep,"_ he insists anyways. "You don't get enough as it is."

"You stayed up with her the past few days," Tyler says.

"So did you!"

"You need sleep too, Josh," Tyler says, taking AJ from his arms. "I'm staying up with her."

Josh groans, scrubbing a hand over his face. "Ugh, fine," he relents. "I'll stay with her tomorrow, okay? And wake me up if you want to sleep, or if you need anything, all right?"

"All right," Tyler tells him. 

AJ makes a cooing noise around her thumb, sighing tiredly. Josh kisses the top of her head. "Goodnight, baby," he murmurs before leaning up and kissing Tyler's forehead. "Goodnight, baby," he tells Tyler, winking. 

Tyler shifts AJ so she's only in one arm. He then uses his free arm to push Josh in the direction of their room. "Sleep," Tyler says sternly before blowing him a kiss.

 

 

July 28th, 2019 

 

"Sweetheart, I know you're tired," Tyler tells his daughter, who's fussing in her crib. "I'm tired too. I'm so, so tired."

AJ makes a frustrated noise, whimpering. With a sigh, Tyler leans in and picks her up.

"Don't cry, baby," he tells her softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Please, just go to sleep. Sleep, remember?" he says, rocking her slowly. "You need lots of sleep. You have a long life ahead of you, okay? A long life where you can be anything you want to be. You can do anything."

He sits down in the rocking chair beside her crib, and AJ whimpers again, albeit quieter this time. She burrows herself further into Tyler's arms.

"You're going to have an amazing life," he tells her quietly. "You're going to be beautiful, and smart, and kind. You have two parents who love you, and grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins who are utterly smitten with you." 

He slides one of his fingers into AJ's hands, and she instinctively grabs it in her little fist, holding tightly. He marvels at her tiny hand. 

"Look at you," Tyler says. "You can move on your own. You're your own person, AJ. You have your whole life for yourself, and it's going to be better than mine."  He strokes her arm with his thumb, watching her breathe. "And that's saying something, because in all, my life has been pretty sweet." 

AJ makes a soft cooing sound, her eyes fluttering shut.

"You're so beautiful," Tyler tells her. "You look like your Papa, did you know that? But you have my lips, and my nose, and I think that's the most amazing thing." 

AJ's gone quiet now, and the only movement from her Tyler can see is her chest moving. 

"Did I ever tell you about the time your Papa tried to take me to Taco Bell for our anniversary?"

 

 

July 29th, 2019

 

It's five o'clock when Josh wakes up, and before he can lament about the early hours he now wakes up at, he's putting on his glasses and stumbling out of bed.

He cracks the door to AJ's room open. Tyler's sitting on the rocking chair Josh's mom bought them, smiling down at AJ, who's in his arms. His lips are moving, and Josh strains his ears to hear Tyler humming. AJ's cooing, reaching up to Tyler's face.

They both haven't noticed Josh yet, and as quietly as he can, he closes the door and goes downstairs to start breakfast.


	6. 97 Days

August 8th, 2019

 

"You two have been really on edge lately," Ashley notes.

"Have not," Tyler mumbles as he collapses on the sofa.

"Have too," she retorts.

"Have not," Tyler repeats.

Ashley sighs. "When was the last time you had sex?" she asks him.

Tyler's eyes go wide and he chokes on his own spit. _"What?"_ he demands, coughing.

"Sex, Tyler," Ashley says.

"I know, I know," Tyler says, waving his hand.

"When was the last time you and Josh had sex?" she asks patiently.

"Do you actually want me to answer?" Tyler asks incredulously.

Josh's sister nods expectantly. "Indeed I do."

"Right, right. Um..." Tyler pauses to think about it. "Uh, AJ's 83 days old, and we had sex..." He trails off, thinking. "96 days."

Ashley gives him a shocked look. "What, really?"

"Well," Tyler says, feeling defensive. "As AJ's due date grew closer, we got kind of anxious and just... stopped."

"And after..?" she prompts.

"We're busy," Tyler says.

"Too busy for sex," she says skeptically.

"Maybe?"

Ashley sighs. "I'll watch AJ tomorrow, okay?"

"What? Why?" Tyler asks, alarmed.

"So you and Josh can have to house to yourselves," Ashley says easily.

"But..." Tyler says, "baby."

"What about baby?" Josh asks, walking in. AJ's cradled in his arms with a good sized chunk of his shirt in her mouth.

"I'm going to watch her tomorrow," Ashley informs her brother. Josh's eyes go wide.

"But _baby,"_ Josh says, echoing Tyler.

"One, you need to work on being able to be separated from her," she says. "Two, you both need to get laid."

Josh quickly covers AJ's ears. "I'm sorry, what?" 

"You've both been extremely irritable lately," Ashley says, stepping towards Josh and taking AJ from him.  "That kind of stress isn't good for AJ."

"Well..." Tyler says, biting his lip. "I guess that makes sense..." 

"But what about baby?" Josh asks, staring at his daughter. 

"She also needs to be able to form bonds with people other than her parents," Josh's sister points out. "Preschool will be a somewhat traumatic event for her if she's never interacted much with anyone other than you two. 

Tyler groans, running a hand through his hair. "Ugh, fine." 

"But _Tyler,"_ Josh says, wide-eyed. _"Baby."_

 

 

August 9th, 2019

 

Ashley, with the help of her brother's boyfriend, finally manages to get Josh to agree.

"It's really quiet," Tyler notes as they make their way into their bedroom.

"It's weird," Josh agrees, closing the door. He tries to shake off the wrongness he feels, and steps closer to Tyler, giving him a warm, chaste kiss. They separate long enough to gaze into each other's eyes before kissing again, not chaste at all this time. 

They fumble with belt buckles and shirts, hands grown clumsy over time. Josh just manages to pull Tyler's shirt off before his boyfriend falls back onto their bed, dragging Josh down on top of him.

"Why isn't your shirt off yet?" Tyler mutters between kisses. 

Josh sits back on Tyler's legs, pulling his shirt off and throwing it behind him. "You were too eager," Josh says before going back to Tyler's mouth. He bites Tyler's lip, and Tyler whimpers a little, hands going to Josh's belt. 

"Off, off, come on," he chants, tugging until Josh's jeans slide down.

Josh kicks them away before pulling Tyler's basketball shorts down. "Better?" he mumbles. 

"Ye-yes," Tyler says, voice cracking when Josh bites his neck. "Yes, oh god." 

Josh sucks a few bruises before pulling back "Do you-?" 

Tyler nods wordlessly, hands fumbling under the pillow. He pulls out their bottle and hands it to Josh. Josh pops the cap, pouring a little onto his palm, warming it up with his fingers. He presses a quick kiss to Tyler's lips, neck, collarbone, chest, stomach before pulling Tyler's boxers down. His lips find Tyler's again, and they kiss as Josh gently presses a finger into Tyler. His boyfriend groans, bucking up against Josh. He feels them both growing harder and harder with anticipation. 

"Hurry up, hurry up," Tyler mumbles between heated kisses. Josh slides another finger inside. He tries to go slowly; it's been kind of a while. "Shoot, J, are you trying to kill me?" Tyler groans, squeezing back against Josh's fingers.

"I don't want to hurt you," Josh replies. "It's been 97 days." 

"You were counting," Tyler says, snickering. His laughter is cut off by a moan when Josh brushes his finger over his prostate. "Ugh, come  _ on." _

Josh slides in a third finger, trying to work as quickly as possible. Tyler seems ready to pull Josh's fingers out himself. 

"I'm good, I'm good, I'm good," Tyler says, squirming a little. Josh opens his mouth to protest, but Tyler silences him with a kiss. 

As their kiss deepens, Josh feels their bodies start to move together; Josh's body getting ready to push inside Tyler without consciously thinking of doing so, almost like muscle memory. Tyler mumbles something impatient into Josh's mouth, hitching his legs around Josh's hips. 

Josh pushes in, issuing a low moan from both of them. Tyler is tighter than Josh can remember, and his eyes roll back a little with pleasure. 

"Are you just going to stay there, or are you going to move?" Tyler asks. Josh captures Tyler's mouth again, hips moving slowly. His fingers card through Tyler's hair, pulling gently. Tyler shifts a little, his dick wetting both of their stomachs with precum. Josh works his hand between their stomachs, jerking Tyler off slowly. Tyler whines, bucking up. 

It's been a while, and they're both more anxious then they thought they were, because it's not long before they both finish. 

Josh collapses on Tyler, panting. Tyler taps his arm. 

"Yeah?" Josh asks, voice hoarse. 

"You're a lot heavier than you think you are," Tyler informs him.  Josh grumbles a little, but pulls out of Tyler and dutifully settles next to him. 

They lie there for a few moments, just listening to each other breathing. 

"That was really nice," Tyler says, breaking the silence.

"I've missed this," Josh agrees. He takes a deep breath. "But, y'know, is it okay if we don't do this as often anymore? Because it's not just us anymore; it's we have AJ too." 

"Yeah, yeah, I get that," Tyler says, moving closer to Josh. "Because it's not just Tyler-and-Josh, it's Tyler-and-Josh-and-baby."

"Yeah, exactly," Josh says, nodding. He pulls Tyler closer to him. "We can't focus on each other anymore; we have to focus on AJ because we're raising her." 

Tyler's nodding, and he presses a kiss to Josh's lips. "You're such an awesome dad," he murmurs, pressing his forehead to Josh's. 

"So are you," Josh tells his boyfriend. They interlace their fingers and wait for their hearts to stop racing before getting their daughter back.


	7. Speculations

October 19th, 2019

(In a well-known pop culture magazine)

 

Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun, the two members of the band twenty | one | pilots, have recently released a new album. Joseph, the writer of the music, is known to pour his thoughts truthfully into his lyrics. In fact, many fans swear that they were able to predict that Joseph and Dun would become a couple due to the content of Joseph's lyrics over time. One fan testifies that their albums went from "a darker, angst sort of feel, to a sadder sound, almost pining, to an album full of excited, upbeat songs, and finally to songs with a sort of a smoother, almost sensual sound."

Now, at the release of their newest record, the twenty | one | pilots fanbase has exploded with theories about Joseph and Dun's personal lives. Almost all of the fans will swear that the new music sounds gentle, blissful, and by many accounts- paternal. Many fans even say they can hear a baby's laugh at the end of the fifth track on their newest album. Recent pictures of a baby girl on both Joseph's and Dun's social media accounts only strengthen these claims of a possible child. However, when asked about the baby girl, Dun will only respond, "Tyler stole a baby."

In addition, twenty | one | pilots has not announced any upcoming tours. The band has been characterized by their frequent, almost continuous tours, and fans have found this sudden break unusual. "If they do have a kid now, which is something I wholeheartedly believe in, they definitely seem the type to try to stay home with her as much as possible," one fan says.

Has the well-known couple in fact become a trio? If so, does twenty | one | pilots plan on touring again? Will they even continue to make more music?

Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun were unavailable for comment.


	8. When I'm Sixty-Four?

November 22, 2019

 

 

"Let me say it again," Tyler tells his mother as they wash the dishes. "I am infinitely grateful that you forbade me from hosting Thanksgiving this year."

"No sane mother would let her son with a six-month old baby host Thanksgiving," his mom tells him as she hands him a plate to dry.

Out of instinct at the mention of his baby, Tyler instantly cranes his neck to catch sight of AJ. She's sitting on her grandfather's lap. Josh is sitting next to AJ, playing peekaboo with her. She's giggling, and trying to reach out to grab Josh's hair.

Tyler smiles, and he turns to see his mom smiling too, at him.

"You're so grown up," she says, smile turning slightly sad. She shakes her head, as if to clear it. "Have you and Josh talked about marriage at all?"

Tyler shakes his head. "Uh, no. We haven't."

His mom nods slowly. "It's you, isn't it?"

"What?" Tyler asks.

"You're the one who doesn't want to get married."

Tyler sighs. "How'd you know?"

"That boy," his mom says, gesturing towards Josh, "would do anything for you. Including marriage."

"It's just-" Tyler sighs, drying a cup with a little more force than what's really necessary, "the commitment, you know?"

"That's something coming from a guy who has committed to a boyfriend, a large house, and a baby," his mom points out.

Tyler blinks. "Oh."

"Never thought of it that way, did you?" his mom asks.

Tyler shakes his head. "Uh. No."

His mom laughs a little. "Just keep things in perspective, okay?"

 

November 22nd, 2019

 

"Do you want to get married?" Tyler asks Josh on their way home from his parents' house.

"Right now?" Josh says.

"No, not _now,"_ Tyler says, playfully jabbing Josh in the arm. "I mean in the near future."

Josh shrugs. "I didn't think that you're ready for marriage."

"I- why did you think that?"

Josh shrugs again. "You were so hesitant to even call me your boyfriend," he says. "Marriage doesn't really seem your style."

Tyler swallows, nodding. "I guess."

"Tell you what," Josh says, taking his right hand off the steering wheel so he can grab Tyler's hand. "How about you propose when you're ready?"

" What if I'm not ready until we're sixty-four?" Tyler asks.

"I'll still need you and I'll still feed you," Josh promises. He then cracks a grin. "That'll be okay, Tyler."  He presses his lips to Tyler's hand. 

AJ makes a soft, sleepy noise in the back of the car, and they smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you didn't realize, Tyler and Josh reference a Beatles song.


	9. Teleporting Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For odetosleep, who is lovely.

January 7th, 2020

 

 

Tyler is sitting on the ground with AJ as she watches him with wide eyes as he checks his phone. His phone starts buzzing, Josh's face appearing on the screen.

"Fah," AJ says, holding out her hand. For some reason, Tyler's phone has become a Highly Desired Chew Toy, and he has to keep it in sight at all times to make sure it doesn't fall into her hands.

"No, AJ," Tyler tells her gently. "Papa has to talk to me."

"Fah," AJ repeats insistently. Tyler shakes his head as he accepts the call, and she pouts.

"Hello?" Tyler asks, switching his attention to his boyfriend's voice on the other end of the call.

"Hey, did you get my text about coffee?" Josh asks.

"Yeah, I put it on the list," Tyler says as he casts a quick glance at AJ. She's currently occupied with her feet.

"Okay, thank you," Josh says.

"What's the weather like there?" Tyler asks, relaxing into conversation.

"Freezing," Josh says. "It's Maine, what did you expect?"

Tyler laughs. "I'm not jealous. I took AJ swimming yesterday, actually."

"Swimming? In January?" 

"Not in our pool," Tyler explains. "The indoor one at the gym."

"That makes more sense," Josh says. "How did that go?" 

"I leaned a little too close to her and she grabbed my hair and almost drowned me." 

"That's my girl," Josh says, sounding satisfied.

"You're so- _Shoot!"_ Tyler jumps when he feels something grab his arm. 

"Tyler?" 

"Da," AJ says, looking up at Tyler from where she's lying on the floor, definitely _not_ where she was the last time he checked. Tyler stares at her.

Did she teleport? 

"Tyler." Josh sounds worried now. "Tyler, are you okay?" 

"...yeah," Tyler says slowly, still staring down at his daughter. 

"What happened?" Josh asks. "Are you all right? Is AJ all right?"

"I think she can teleport, Josh," Tyler says. There's a pause.

"What?" 

"Well, first she was there, and now she's here," Tyler explains. 

"What?" Josh repeats.

"She can't walk yet, Josh," Tyler says. "How else did she move?" 

"...did she crawl?" Josh asks.

"That makes more sense," Tyler says, staring at his possibly superpowered child. 

"I missed her first time crawling?" Josh asks, sounding upset.

"Either that or her first time teleporting," Tyler says, not taking his eyes off his daughter.

"Fah, fah, fah, fah," AJ says, bouncing a little as she reaches for the phone. 

"Do you want to talk to Papa?" Tyler asks, putting the phone on speakerphone. 

"Ba, ba, ba," AJ says excitedly. 

"How's my girl?" Josh asks. "Are you taking care of your daddy?" 

"Na, na, na," AJ says, sounding very proud of herself. "Na, ba, paaaa ba ba." 

"Is that so?" Josh says. Tyler can hear the smile in his voice. 

"Nyah," AJ says firmly. 

"Well, you have an exciting future ahead of you as a jazz singer," Josh tells her. "You've got scat down nicely." 

Tyler chuckles, and at his laugh, AJ lets out an excited squeal.

"Fah na na," she says happily. "Laaa, kah sha na." 

"Bop sha boo," Josh adds. "Boogity boo bop." 

"Very nice, Joshua," Tyler says as he turns speaker phone off. 

"Thank you," Josh says. Tyler suddenly wishes that there wasn't all that distance between them, because he's suddenly overcome with the urge to kiss him. 

"I miss you," he says instead. 

"I've been gone for two days, Tyler." 

"What, I can't miss you after two days?" Tyler asks, mock-hurt. 

"Absolutely not," Josh says, faking sternness. "You oughta go punish yourself right now, young man."

Tyler splutters a little. "AJ's _right here,_ Joshua!" 

"And I'm sure she's listening very intently," Josh says. 

Tyler looks at his daughter, who's happily miming a story to herself. "Shut up," he says. 

Josh laughs. "I'll see you Thursday, okay?" 

"Okay," Tyler says. "Love you. Call me soon, all right?" 

"Love you too. I'll call you tonight," Josh says, voice dropping a little lower suggestively.

"I'm hanging up now," Tyler tells him. 

Josh laughs. "See you soon, Tyler," he says.


	10. Nightmare

Josh takes a deep breath, staring down at his daughter who's looking up at him with dark, wide eyes.

"Tell me another story about Daddy," she requests, climbing onto Josh's lap.

"Which story?" Josh asks.

"A new one," AJ says, settling herself on her papa's lap. "One that I've never ever heard before."

Josh chuckles a little. "I think you've heard all of them, sunshine," he tells her.

"Nuh uh!" AJ insists. "Uncle Jordan told me one the other day and _you_ never told me it."

"What did Uncle Jordan tell you?" Josh asks a little warily.

"He told me all about how Daddy would sing to you when you were on the bus to wake you up," she says. "And how he'd end up waking everyone else up but you."

Josh grins briefly, remembering waking up to a room full of techs pissed off at his boyfriend and wondering why.

"Well, I couldn't have told you much about that one," Josh says, poking her belly playfully. She giggles. "I was asleep, remember?"

"Oh, yeah," AJ says, nodding. "I forgot." She shakes her head then, as though to clear it, before asking, "But a story, Papa. About Daddy."

"Well, let's see," Josh says, tapping his chin while he tries to think of one that's appropriate. "Have I told you about the time your daddy tried to make us dinner?"

"Yes, Papa," AJ says, sounding a little exasperated. "Lots. And how the firemen people had to come."

"Right, right," Josh says. "Hmm. Have I told you about your first Halloween?"

"He dressed me up as a puppy just to see what you would do," AJ says. "And you went out and bought three kitty costumes."

Josh smiles briefly, remembering Tyler's shit-eating grin when he carried AJ down wearing floppy dog ears and a tail, and his laugh when Josh immediately grabbed the car keys and drove to buy their daughter a cat costume.

"Have I told you about the time Daddy tried to fix the gutter?" Josh asks, and she nods.

"You had to call the fire department to get him down," AJ says, and Josh chuckles a little at the memory. Tyler had sulked for a week until Josh finally stopped laughing at him long enough to give him a blowjob.

Tyler stopped sulking after that.

"Well, I don't know what to tell you, AJ," he says. "I think you've heard all the stories."

AJ frowns. "But you couldn't have told me _everything,"_ she says. "Nana says that you and Daddy knew each other for almost ten whole years. That's more than I've lived, Papa. I'm sure you have more stories."

"I have an idea," Josh says. "How about you ask me about what you want to know, and I'll tell you?"

"Okay," AJ says, nodding.

"That sound like a good plan, Princess?" Josh asks, ruffling her hair. She nods, smoothing her hair down.

"When did you and Daddy fall in love?" AJ asks.

Josh raises his eyebrows. "That's a difficult question, AJ," he says. "There really wasn't a certain moment. We just grew more and more in love over time."

AJ makes a frustrated noise. "But when did you realize that you loved him?"

"Well..." Josh thinks about that for a moment. "I think it was the moment I watched him sing."

"And when did Daddy realize he loved you?" AJ presses.

Josh just smiles sadly at her. "I don't know, baby. He never told me," he says.

AJ makes a sad face. "Well, when did you and Daddy first kiss?" she asks.

"Um," he says, wondering which kiss he should tell her about. The time they did it out of curiosity? The time they did it for a dare? The time they did it when they were both horny and drunk out of their minds?

He decides on the time after their first date.

"I was walking your daddy to the door after our very first date," Josh tells her. "He paused at the door, told me he had a good time with me that night, and gave me a kiss before going inside."

"Was it all romantic?" AJ asks. "With lots of tongues in mouths?"

Josh stares at her. "What TV shows have you been watching?"

AJ huffs impatiently. "Papa," she insists.

"No, there weren't any tongues in mouths," he says. "It was just like this." He leans in and gives her a quick kiss.

AJ frowns. "That's not romantic. Tell me about your first romantic kiss. The kind with tongue."

Josh blinks. "It was, uh, after our fourth date," he says. "We were at my house, and we were watching TV when your daddy leaned in and gave me a... romantic kiss."

"And then what did you do?"

"I kissed him back."

"No, after you kissed him back."

Josh blinks. "Um. He went home," he lies.

AJ nods. "Tell me about when I was born."

"You've heard this story a million times, AJ," Josh protests.

"Papa," she begs, and Josh heaves a dramatic sigh.

"It was May 16th, 2019," he begins. "We were washing the dishes after eating breakfast when your daddy's phone rang. He picked it up and his face went completely white, and-"

"He dropped the phone into the soapy sink water!" AJ finishes.

"Hey, am I telling this story, or are you?" Josh asks, giving his daughter a playful poke on her belly. She giggles, shaking her head.

"You are, Papa," she says.

"That's what I thought," Josh says, pretending to be miffed until she gives him a kiss on the cheek. "So I asked him what was wrong, and he said, 'Eva just went into labor!' I pulled out my phone and called her because your daddy's was ruined when he dropped it into the water.

"I drove us to the hospital while Ty- your daddy called your nana and grandma to let them know that you were going to be born soon," Josh continues. "We found Eva and we waited for a _really_ long time before you made an appearance." He waves his finger at her mock-disapprovingly. "You certainly took your time." 

AJ giggles. "Sorry, Papa."

"Anyways, we were finally called in to meet you," Josh continues. "You were very small, very pink, and very loud." 

"I was not!" AJ protests. 

"I have proof, Abigail," Josh counters. "You were the loudest thing I'd ever come across." 

She pretends to scowl. "Fine," she says. "What happened next?"

"You know what happens next," Josh says, and AJ grins. 

"Come on, Papa!"

"I fell down," he admits, and his daughter giggles. "One moment I was standing, and the next moment I was sitting." He pauses, remembering his sense of mild surprise when he found himself on the cool floor of the hospital room. 

"And then Daddy pulled you up," AJ prompts.

"And then Daddy pulled me up," Josh says, snapping back to the present. "And he was so happy to see you that he almost didn't even bother," he adds. "And then he was holding you, and I don't even remember it very well; I was so happy." 

AJ giggles. Josh grins down at her before checking the time. 

"Oh, shoot! AJ, we have to leave now," Josh says. "Did you put your cleats near the door like I asked you?" 

"Yes, Papa," she says, clambering off of Josh's lap. "Did you buy more Gatorade?" 

"Yes, I did," Josh says as he ushers them to the door. "Enough for your whole team." 

AJ claps her hands happily. "Thank you, Papa!" 

"You're welcome, sweetheart," he tells her as he grabs his keys to take his daughter to her soccer game.

 

 

"Papa?"

Josh turns to see AJ dragging in a book that's practically as tall as she is. "What is this?" she asks, and Josh's blood runs cold when he realizes what it is.

"I- um," Josh says hoarsely, stopping to clear his throat. "That's a scrapbook, AJ."

"Who's that guy with you?" AJ asks, hefting the book onto the table in front of him. Josh looks at the picture she's pointing to. It's a picture of him and Tyler the first time they played together, both looking impossibly young. 

"That's your daddy, AJ," Josh says softly.

"Really?" AJ asks, peering closer. "But he doesn't have all the- the markings all over his arms yet, though." 

"Tattoos?" Josh asks, and AJ nods. "Look, AJ, I don't have mine either."

"Oh," AJ says, taking another look. "You don't have your colorful markings yet."

"Tattoos," Josh corrects again.

"'Markings' sound better," AJ says absentmindedly as she flips through the pages, and Josh smiles in spite of himself.

AJ pauses on another page. "Is this Daddy too?" she asks. Josh leans in to see a picture of Tyler holding a newborn AJ. The picture's a little blurry, but Josh can make out the wide, slightly awed grin on Tyler's face. 

"Yes, that's Daddy," Josh confirms.

"There are a lot of pictures of you," AJ notes. "And a lot of me after I was born. But there aren't very many of Daddy."

"That's because Daddy made this," Josh explains.

"But why didn't he put more pictures of himself?" AJ asks. 

"He was too focused on me," Josh says with a small grin. "And you."

AJ frowns. "If I made a scrapbook, every page would be of me," she tells him. "And kitties." 

Josh smiles at her. "I would love that scrapbook," he tells her, avoiding explaining to her why Tyler tried not to put pictures of himself in the scrapbook. 

AJ beams at him. "Can I go watch TV, Papa?" she asks. 

Josh checks the time. "Just one episode, okay?" 

AJ's already bounding towards the family room. "Okay!" 

Josh smiles as he watches her leave before turning back to the book in front of him. There's a picture of all three of them there. Tyler is holding a newborn AJ, and Josh has his arm wrapped around Tyler's shoulder. Both of them are beaming down at AJ, who has her mouth open, presumably screaming. 

Josh chuckles a little, turning the page.

There's another picture, just of Tyler and Josh. Josh is fast asleep, curled up against Tyler, who looks utterly adoring.

Josh's heart aches.

He flips a few pages forward, and ends up on a page from Tyler's birthday. There's a picture of Tyler staring down at his cake, smiling and blushing as Josh gives him a kiss on the cheek. Josh wonders, at the back of his mind, who took that picture right before it hits him.

That was the last birthday Tyler had. 

Pushing the book across the table, away from him, Josh covers his mouth with a hand in an attempt to muffle a sob. Oh, _Tyler..._

"Why?" Josh whispers as sobs tear out of his throat. "Why did you have to leave? Why that day?" He tries to stop, but he can't. "Why did you give up? They said you could've made it, they were hopeful, but you flatlined, oh _Tyler..."_ He wipes tears away viciously. "You had a baby, we had a baby, one that can't remember you. I'm trying, I'm doing my best, but I need you, I need you to watch her soccer games with me, I need you to come to parent/teacher conferences with me, I need you tuck her in at night when I'm so sick I can barely move," he gasps out. "Tyler, Tyler, _please."_

He dissolves into quiet sobs, doing his best to keep them soft so AJ doesn't hear.

"I miss you," Josh whispers. "I miss you so much, oh my gosh. I can still see you everywhere and it hurts so bad, _please,_ just come back," he begs. _"Please."_

 

 

February 11th, 2020

 

"Josh. _Josh."_

Josh sits up, gasping for a breath through his sobs. Tyler's sitting there, hand on Josh's shoulder and looking terrified.

"Tyler," Josh gasps, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend, pressing his hand to Tyler's chest. He can feel Tyler's heart throbbing underneath his palm, and he lets out a small sob of relief. 

"Josh, hey," Tyler says, hesitantly hugging Josh back. "What's going on? What happened?" 

"You're alive," Josh murmurs, running his hands over Tyler's back, arms, neck. He chokes on another sob, feeling impossibly relieved. "My gosh, you're alive." 

"Yes, of course," Tyler says softly, hugging Josh tighter. "I'm right here, Josh."

Josh sobs again, burying his face in Tyler's shoulder, clinging to him desperately. "Thank god," he gasps. "Thank god." 

Tyler holds Josh while he sobs these horrible, gut-wrenching sobs, gasping out random words of relief between. Josh wraps his fingers around Tyler's biceps, feeling the warm muscles move, and Tyler is so, so _alive._

"Okay?" Tyler asks once Josh has started to calm down. 

"Mostly," Josh replies, smiling weakly at Tyler.

"Can I ask what your dream was about?" Tyler says. Josh opens his mouth, about to explain his nightmare when he realizes something.

"Tyler," he says frantically. "Do we have a daughter?" _Please say yes. Please say yes. Don't tell him that the little girl with his hair and eyes was just a part of the dream._

Tyler gives him a confused look. "Yes, we do." 

"AJ?" Josh asks, and Tyler nods.

"Yes. Josh, what's going-"

"How old is she?" he demands, grabbing his boyfriend's shoulder.

"She's almost nine months. Josh, why-"

"Nine months?" Josh gasps. _"Nine months?"_

_"Yes,"_ Tyler says, starting to look a little scared. "Josh-" 

"No, no, no,"Josh says, pressing his hands to his eyes. "She was- she was..." He realizes he doesn't even know how old she was then. Did he ever know? As horrible as the dream was, it's already starting to fade from his memory. 

Josh feels another sob starting to try to claw it's way from his throat, and he clenches his teeth together and waits until the sob recedes. 

"Josh," Tyler says softly, and Josh looks up to see that Tyler's eyes are red-rimmed, like he's been crying too. "What happened?"

"You were-" Josh tries. "You- you were..." He can't even get the word out.

"Dead?" Tyler offers, and Josh nods shortly, burying his head in Tyler's shoulder again. He rests his palm on Tyler's neck, feeling his pulse beneath his skin, and he breathes a sigh of relief. 

"AJ was asking about you all the time," Josh whispers. "And I'd tell her stories about you, but she wasn't _getting_ it; you were like a hero in a story to her, not her father." Tyler finds his free hand, and they intertwine their fingers.  "And there were all these pictures on the walls, of you, of us, and I couldn't take them down, I just _couldn't_. And that scrapbook, that stupid scrapbook you started making, AJ found it and was going through it and was asking all these questions and you looked so damn _happy_ , all frozen in those pictures and I just started crying because we had _everything_ , Tyler, we had everything and it was taken away by that fucking drunk driver just like that-" 

"Shh, shh," Tyler says softly, pressing a kiss to Josh's cheek. "I'm still here. I'm still here, okay?" 

Josh nods fiercely, and Tyler squeezes his hand. 

"I love you," Josh says. "I love you so damn much, okay? Don't you dare go anywhere." 

"I won't," Tyler promises. "I'm here as long as you need me."

"You're gonna be here for a long while, I'll tell you that," Josh says, pressing his lips to Tyler's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blame odetosleep.


	11. Finger Food

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey an update. Finally. 
> 
>  
> 
> For the anon who asked if I stopped writing this story. Short answer: No. Long answer: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

March 19th, 2020

 

 

"What does she look like?" Tyler asks, holding their daughter up for Josh.

Josh blinks. "She looks like a baby, Tyler."

Tyler realizes he probably didn't phrase his question quite right.

"I mean, does she look like she's ready?" he tries.

"Ready for what?" Josh asks.

Tyler sighs. "Do she look like she's ready for finger food?"

"Oh," Josh says. A pause. "I don't know if she looks like it."

Tyler frowns at his baby. "All the websites say I'll just 'know,'" he says. "I think I missed that lesson."

Josh laughs. "I think she's ready," he says.

"Why do you say that?" Tyler asks.

"During lunch, she tried to take the tomato that fell out of my sandwich and put it in her mouth," Josh explains. "I stopped her, but she seemed insistent on eating it herself."

Tyler nods. "What do you think, baby?" he says, facing AJ.

"Bah," AJ says, grabbing Tyler's nose.

 

 

March 19th, 2020

 

"Cheese cubes, peas, spaghetti, rice," Tyler's mom is saying into the phone, sounding slightly exasperated. "Anything small and not too chewy."

"What if she doesn't like cheese?" Tyler says, staring into the refrigerator. "Or peas? Or spaghetti? Or rice?"

"Then she'll spit it out, look betrayed, and then try to eat it again," his mom says. "And then she'll repeat until you take it away from her. It's not much different from when you gave her baby food for the first time."

Tyler sighs. "I'll talk to Josh," he says, and is only mildly insulted when she quickly hangs up.

 

 

March 19th, 2020

 

"Should I put a bib on her?" Josh asks.

"It's just cheese," Tyler says, looking up from where he's carefully slicing mild cheddar cheese into cubes. "Oh, wait, get the camera!"

Josh pulls out his phone from his pocket, and Tyler sighs because he's pretty sure that expensive camcorder he bought a little after AJ was born will never be used.

Tyler sets a handful of cheese cubes on AJ's tray, and she stops her babbling and picks one up. Tyler makes sure that Josh is recording, which he is, before turning back to watch his daughter place the cube in her mouth.

She chews for a moment and looks right at Tyler. Her face is completely blank, and she stops chewing.

"AJ?" Tyler says.

AJ suddenly spits out the cheese and gives Tyler the most betrayed look Tyler's ever seen _anyone_ make.

"Aww, baby," Tyler says, leaning in and kissing her forehead.

"Did Daddy betray you?" Josh says, still holding his phone up. "Did he lead you astray?"

"Hush," Tyler says, taking the cheese cubes off the tray before AJ can tray to eat them again. "Go heat up the pasta."


End file.
